Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #17

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not always deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

Mower and Statesman

 

Welcome to Volume 17 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

SHOW ME THE…WHAT?!

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PUBLIC-SEE – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call the opposite of privacy?

Wordapodia, Vol. 1

 

If you like “Public-see” (a brand new Wordapod), you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Public-see

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Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #16

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

Volume 16

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not always deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

Mower and Statesman

Welcome to Volume 16 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

SENSITIVE?! WHO…ME?!

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LACTATORSHIP – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call a (mythical) repressive form of government that forces every citizen to drink milk?

Wordapodia, Vol. 1

 

If you like “Lactatorship”, you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 other creative, fun Wordapods.

Lactatorship

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Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #15

 

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not always deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

Mower and Statesman

 

Welcome to Volume 15 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

WANTING TO KEEP IT LIGHT, BUT…

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BOROFORM – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call any speech or event that practically bores you to death?

Wordapodia, Vol. 1

If you like Boroform, you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 other creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Boroform

Boroform (n)any speech or event that bores and/or annoys someone to the point of paralysis

 

Sample Sentence:  I tried to watch the political debate, but the deadly dull exchanges served as a kind of boroform.

 

Mastering the Wordapod

Which of the following—given the above definition—would you consider to be the most powerful type of boroform for you?

 

  • Political Debate
  • College Lecture
  • Romantic Comedy
  • Auto Racing
  • Bowling
  • Yard Work
  • Shopping
  • Talking With Your Spouse
  • Reality TV show
  • Your job

 

*************

To get your own signed copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, please follow the links or simply email me:  Matt@tipofthegoldberg.com

To order my new (co-authored) book, please click here or send me an email for a personalized copy.

I know you're not usually a follower, but I hope you'll soon follow me on Twitter.

My Facebook Fan page is right here.

CRAP I THINK OF WHILE MOWING THE LAWN – #14

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

 

Welcome to Volume 14 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

Mower and Statesman

FEELING MY AGE…THE DREADED SPEED LIMIT

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TIRISH – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call a newish language spoken by very tired people?

 

Wordapodia, Vol. 1

 

If you like “Tirish”, you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 other creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Tirish

Tirish (n) – the English language as spoken by very tired people. Some of the Asian and Arabic countries appear to also have derivatives of this language, and Tirish is beginning to be taught overseas at many secondary schools as an elective.

 

Sample Sentence:  While I strained to hear everything my beloved wife uttered, the Tirish she spoke was unintelligible.

 

So, How About…

Enter Frieda Wilmont, head of Slippery Slope College’s Unusual Languages Department. “Tirish is one of the leading languages of the future. I would estimate that 98% of all Americans speak it at one time or another, and almost everything under the sun is spoken about in Tirish. Our students learn important phrases such as Wama vulla loo—which depending on the inflection, could mean anything from:

 

  • Can you hand me the remote?
  • Please set my alarm clock for 7:30.
  • Wow! The Eagles won again?!
  • Any food in the fridge?
  • Time to mow the friggin’ lawn.”

*************

To get your own signed copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, please follow the links or simply email me:  Matt@tipofthegoldberg.com

To order my new (co-authored) book, please click here or send me an email for a personalized copy.

I know you're not usually a follower, but I hope you'll soon follow me on Twitter.

My Facebook Fan page is right here.

CRAP I THINK OF WHILE MOWING THE LAWN – #13

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

Volume 13

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

 

Mower and Statesman

Welcome to Volume 13 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

TOO MUCH CRAP TO RANT ON…WAY TOO LITTLE TIME

I’m a day late and still have way too little time today to comment on a few things I’ve been thinking about. Yes, once again the sports world—but not the games, themselves—has made its way into the general world, let alone the world of sports talk radio and TV.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, as many of you know, decided to suspend Baltimore Ravens’ running back Ray Rice two games for a hideous domestic violence incident caught on surveillance video at an Atlantic City casino, when Rice struck his then-fiancée (now wife, Janay Palmer) unconscious. Given the longer suspensions Goodell levied for much lesser offenses involving PED and marijuana usage, the blowback, almost by consensus, is that the NFL considers domestic abuse (read: NFL players striking women) to be not nearly as serious a crime as a player getting high, or taking an illegal substance to gain an unfair competitive advantage.

This reasoning seems to be way too simplistic, and there must be some nuances to bail the NFL and its self-styled law-and-order commish some slack, right? Well…no!  It’s not only “the optics” of this (how it looks to those from the outside, like you and me) that is wrong; Goodell blew it. If you’re going to issue suspensions based on off-the-field, offseason injuries, and if you decide to suspend Ray Rice (who, in fairness to him, seemed to be a good citizen prior to this), you have to suspend Rice for a whole lot longer than two games. 6 games? 8 games? I don’t know, but something of that magnitude…even a full year…would have been much more palatable, and more just, to many of us.

Of course, the wrist-slap to Ray Rice was discussed all over the various air and print waves, including ESPN’s First Take, where, like them or not, co-hosts Steven A. Smith and Skip Bayless take on all issues, great, small and manufactured.

Steven A, who is normally quite outspoken (well, it is his job to be), loud, almost insufferable, yet somewhat articulate, decided to approach the Ray Rice incident with the following words. No, I won’t grab the low-hanging fruit and jump on his grammar and syntax; there’s enough here to criticize what he actually said.  Here is the transcript, courtesy of NJ.com:

“We know you have no business putting your hands on a woman. I don’t know how many times I got to reiterate that. But as a man who was raised by women, see I know what I’m going to do if somebody touches a female member of my family. I know what I’m going to do, I know what my boys are going to do. I know what, I’m going to have to remind myself that I work for the Worldwide Leader, I’m going to have to get law enforcement officials involved because of what I’m going to be tempted to do.

"But what I’ve tried to employ the female members of my family, some of who you all met and talked to and what have you, is that again, and this what, I’ve done this all my life, let’s make sure we don’t do anything to provoke wrong actions, because if I come, or somebody else come, whether it’s law enforcement officials, your brother or the fellas that you know, if we come after somebody has put their hands on you, it doesn’t negate the fact that they already put their hands on you. So let’s try to make sure that we can do our part in making sure that that doesn’t happen.

“Now you got some dudes that are just horrible and they’re going to do it anyway, and there’s never an excuse to put your hands on a woman. But domestic violence or whatever the case may be, with men putting their hands on women, is obviously a very real, real issue in our society. And I think that just talking about what guys shouldn’t do, we got to also make sure that you can do your part to do whatever you can do to make, to try to make sure it doesn’t happen.

"We know they’re wrong. We know they’re criminals. We know they probably deserve to be in jail. In Ray Rice’s case, he probably deserves more than a 2-game suspension which we both acknowledged. But at the same time, we also have to make sure that we learn as much as we can about elements of provocation. Not that there’s real provocation, but the elements of provocation, you got to make sure that you address them, because we’ve got to do is do what we can to try to prevent the situation from happening in any way. And I don’t think that’s broached enough, is all I’m saying. No point of blame.”

 

Steven A’s diatribe produced a firestorm of pushback (including colleague Michelle Beadle–good for her), for which Smith apologized. He and/or his employer crafted most of the right words to go just a step forward beyond the usual vague apologies to anyone they might have offended.

The issue I have is not with the sincerity of his apology; perhaps, he was sincere. He may also be sincere, or think he is, when he says, “We know you have no business putting your hands on a woman. I don’t know how many times I got to reiterate that.”

Here is the problem, Steven A.  First of all, lose the tough guy act of what you would do if anyone touched (inappropriately) a female member of your family. Secondly, I don’t think you get it.

How do you use this situation to tell millions of women that “we got to also make sure that you can do your part to do whatever you can do to make, to try to make sure it doesn’t happen.” What? Who are you, whether raised by women, men or both, to deliver that message? And, who are you to lecture us about the “elements of provocation?”

The timing, and the venue, was wrong to deliver that message. If a women’s group wants to employ you to address them privately, and you wish to express that concern, then more power to you (and perhaps, God help them). Moreover, not only was the timing and the venue of the message wrong, but not so incidentally, to many of us, the message of the message was wrong.

Many of us got the impression that you were doing all you could to defend Ray Rice—whether that is your true belief, you were trying to curry favor with yet another player, or you also don’t take domestic abuse quite as seriously as you postured—at the expense of an issue of crucial importance to women and all those who want some of this pervasive violence to stop.

Roger and Steven A, You needed to step up, and you both stepped down. Perhaps, you should both step down from your highly paid, high-profile positions as well.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

To get  your own signed copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, please follow the links or simply email me:  Matt@tipofthegoldberg.com

To order my new-ish (co-authored) book, A Snowball’s Chance, please click here or send me an email for a personalized copy.

I know you're not usually a follower, but I hope you'll soon follow me on Twitter.

My Facebook Fan page is right here

 

CRAP I THINK OF WHILE MOWING THE LAWN – #12

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

Volume 12

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

Mower and Statesman

 

Welcome to Volume 12 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

WAINWRIGHT/JETER/ANDREWS…SOCIAL MEDIA FLAP

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JAPANZEE – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call a species of great ape that is only found in Japan?

Okay, this one was suggested to me by my almost 6-year-old son, Benny, who was feeling “wordish” last night.

Wordapodia, Vol. 1

If you like “Japanzee”, please pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 other creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Japanzee

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Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #11

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

Volume 11

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

 

Mower and Statesman

Welcome to Volume 11 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

TURNING PHRSES OVER

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ARBIHAIRY – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call a completely arbitrary, erratic hair pattern?

If you like “Arbihairy”, Wordapodia, Vol. 1pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 other creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Arbihairy

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Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #10

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

Volume 10

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

Mower and Statesman

 

Welcome to Volume 10 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

FEELING OUT OF SHAPE

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DEMOGRAPHITI – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call graffiti that is geared toward a specific demographic group?

Wordapodia, Vol. 1

If you like “Demographiti”, please pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 other creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Demographiti

 

Demographiti (n) – Graffiti tailored to a specific audience—i.e. age, ethnic group, income level or ethnicity

 

Sample Scenario

Timmy never really enjoyed going with his Mom and Dad to visit Gramps at his retirement community, but one day his Mom was shocked to see him eager to make the monthly trip to Spruce Village. His delighted Mom asked him if he enjoyed the checker games with Gramps, to which Timmy replied, “Nah. There’s some really cool demographiti on the side of his building I like to look at.”

 

Who Knew…?

Types of spray-painted demographiti favored most by senior citizens include: 

  • names of their grandkids
  • their middle names
  • their phone numbers
  • “Kilroy was here”
  • social security numbers
  • names of early-bird friendly restaurants

 

*************

To get your own signed copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, please follow the links or simply email me:  Matt@tipofthegoldberg.com

To order my new (co-authored) book, please click here or send me an email for a personalized copy.

I know you're not usually a follower, but I hope you'll soon follow me on Twitter.

My Facebook Fan page is right here.