POUCH POTATO – The Wednesday Wordapod

What would YOU call a marsupial that lazes around all day?

If you like “Pouch Potato”…and who doesn’t…you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Pouch Potato

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FREUDIAN SLIPCOVER – The Wednesday Wordapod

Today’s Wordapod features an interview with Dr. Klaus Stichmein, owner of The Klaus House of Furniture and Psychoanalysis.

If you like “Freudian Slipcover”…and who doesn’t…you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Freudian Slipcover

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Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #19

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not always deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

 

Mower and Statesman

Welcome to Volume 19 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

BOOK IT?

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POPSICKLE – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call a Russian farm implement passed down from father to son? Let the games and fun word plays begin.

Two Book Crossover 11.13

 

If you like “Popsickle”, you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Popsickle

 

Popsickle (n) – short for “Pop’s sickle,” an implement reserved for the family patriarch, and used for cutting grain or tall grass

 

Please Note:  This word comes to us from Russia, where people have always had a great reverence for their semi-circular bladed tools, as well as for their fathers. No, there’s no pophammer.

 

Who Knew…?

Mikhail Jordan, Professor of Field Clearing at Odessa (Russia) A&M, is the author of a dynamic new book entitled Watching My Father’s Tools: A Memoir. It was an honor to interview him, even if I couldn’t tell whether his sense of humor was very poor, or very advanced.

 

Matt:  Professor Jordan, has Russian culture always been so reverential about farm implements, and the protocol of who should use them?

 

Professor Jordan:  Relentlessly so. For many centuries, Mother Russia has always been a very patriarchal society that also places great emphasis, and even reverence, over these implements. The father has always been accorded the honor of leading the way in the wheat fields, and he wields the most ornate and sharpest sickle, which has come to be known as the popsickle. The first son inherits his Dad’s tool; if no male sons are born, the sickle is buried with the old man.

 

Matt:  Isn’t it ironic that Mother Russia is so patriarchal?

 

Professor Jordan:  No, I don’t see the irony.

 

Matt:  Mother Russia. (pause) Still nothing? My mistake. But, tell me, sir, where are the daughters in all this? Do they ever get to use their father’s prized tools?

 

Professor Jordan:  In very rare cases, yes. For instance, a farm girl from outside Vladivostok named Katya inherited Anatoly Pasternacky’s tool in 1983.

 

Matt: Did this event shatter the glass ceiling for Russian farm girls?

 

Professor Jordan:  Apparently not, but I’m sure that it helped young Katya harvest some wheat.

*************

To get your own signed copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, please follow the links or simply email me:  Matt@tipofthegoldberg.com

To order my new (co-authored) book, please click here or send me an email for a personalized copy.

I know you're not usually a follower, but I hope you'll soon follow me on Twitter.

My Facebook Fan page is right here.

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #18

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not always deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

Mower and Statesman

 

Welcome to Volume 18 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

AN ANNOUNCEMENT OF QUESTIONABLE URGENCY

Due to the Labor Day three-day weekend, yesterday felt more like a Saturday and didn’t produce the stimuli and inspiration needed for this column. Now, it’s a Sunday-like Monday afternoon, and it’s time to convey a thought or two.

 

TENNIS, EVERYONE? OKAY…ANYONE?

It rained overnight and a little this morning, which canceled this early morning’s tennis action. Not at the US Open in Flushing Meadows, NY, but on the less-than-elegant (or level) public tennis courts in front of the Larchmont Swim Club of Mount Laurel, New Jersey. Nursing an injury or two, I may not have made it this morning, even if it were dry. On the semi-bright side, it’s been a good spring and summer of tennis, and I hate to see it come to an end.

A brief description of the early morning tennis gang is in order. I’ll start with two facts that may be a bit jarring. One: We play “pickup” doubles Saturday and Sunday mornings from the crack of dawn till about 9:30 or 10—which usually allows us to play anywhere between three and five sets. Two: Generally, between 8 and 14 players show, and of the regulars, I’m one of the three youngest guys.

The play is somewhat competitive, and friendly enough. Rare has been the argument over line calls, although some are more generous than others in calling his opponents’ shots. As God is my witness, I am one of the more generous line-callers; if I don’t know that the ball is out, I consider it to be “good.” I only deviate from this credo when my team is losing a close match.

My play has been pretty good this season as well, and with the best doubles players apparently migrating to other courts, my game is probably the best of all of the regulars. God, are you still witnessing? Having said this in truth (and agreeing with the other players who have unofficially crowned me with this semi-dubious designation), it certainly does not mean that there aren’t several players who have stronger aspects of their games, nor various matchups that are difficult to win. It’s a lot of fun, but starting next weekend, I’ll be teaching on Saturday and Sunday mornings, and greatly missing the tennis. I can actually sleep a little later now, but would gladly sacrifice those two hours of sleep (which are usually my fourth and fifth of the morning) for some more tennis.

I wish that there more tennis lovers within my overall circle of friends, but do thank my buddy, Neal, who told me about this gang of early morning enthusiasts several years back. When he first told me about this group, I asked him if they play at 9 or 10 am. No such luck, but with all things (especially those activities that you enjoy), you get used to it. That’s certainly been the case for me.

I’ve enjoyed tennis for many years, since a little before my high school days, when I played for our school’s team. Truth be told, tennis was my consolation prize, as I got cut from the baseball team my freshman and sophomore years. Luckily, I could play varsity tennis for three years, and made and furthered great friendships, even as I couldn’t play my true favorite sport. With organized basketball (and even golf) now positioned in the rearview mirror of life, tennis and baseball…well, men’s softball leagues, at this stage…continue to be the main sports that I play today.

Tennis started becoming popular shortly prior to my high school days, in no small part due to the renown (and controversy) of players such as Jimmy Connors, Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe. Today, men’s tennis has three of the best…some would say THE three best…players to ever play the game in Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic. I’ll only weigh in here to posit that I would place both Federer and Nadal in my top two or three all-time (along with Rod Laver) and Djokovic may earn that same designation before he hangs up his racquet. What’s really cool is that they are all eminently likable guys. Yes, none are American, and I wouldn’t mind if any or all were, but it doesn’t keep me from rooting for them, and appreciating their skill, competitiveness and intelligence.

So…as I was watching the US Open this afternoon, I forgot that the Phillies were playing a holiday matinee game in Atlanta until a friend posted on Facebook that pitcher Cole Hamels was pulled after just six innings (he had thrown 108 pitches) even though he was throwing a no-hitter.

 

THAT’S A NO-NO, FOLKS…

 

As it turned out, Phils’ manager Ryne Sandberg’s decision to go to the bullpen worked out for Hamels, and for the team. Three relievers not only preserved the win, and the shutout (7-0 over the Braves) but also kept the Braves hitless. It was the first combined no-hitter in the Phillies’ mostly futile history, dating to 1883. It also made for one of the few highlights of this forgettable 2014 season.

The no-hitter took me back to my own youth, and my own attempts to turn the trick. I came close to pitching one on at least two occasions that I recall with a great measure of accuracy. Here is what I remember: I started pitching in my fourth year of organized ball, as a sixth-grader. Playing for a maroon-colored team sponsored by Ray’s Garden Mart, I toed the rubber (none of the mounds were  elevated) behind Parkway Elementary School and retired all but one batter who hit a humpback liner that was just out of reach of our third baseman, who told me that he should have made the play.

The third baseman in question, a very athletic redhead named Paul Kelly, usually played for another league on days that I pitched. When he pitched, I played third; perhaps, we had a good shortstop, although his name (Snoopy?) escapes me. It was rare to have Paul in the lineup when I pitched, and it probably was a play that he should have made. But, it went down as a hit in the book.

Six years later, in my last year of organized baseball, I recall throwing another one-hitter, but can’t picture the hit in question. It wasn’t a homer, but it could have been a double or triple. I’m not sure.

Apparently, in much more recent times, I threw another one-hitter or two in softball leagues, which is hard to do, and shouldn’t be done. Slow-pitch softball is really a hitter’s game, and it takes good fielding and a poor opposing lineup to even get close to a no-no.

Another oddity: I do recall once (on a travel little league team, when I was in seventh-grade) getting two hits against a very good pitcher that our team had a real tough time with. That isn’t so unusual, but for some other circumstances. I reached base twice in the six-inning game, and only one or two other teammates did the same. After the game, our coach berated our team for striking out so often, and he further said that we only had one hit on the day. I was bummed, as I figured that one of my two apparent hits was ruled an error. It was a bit comforting to get our only hit(s), or was it?

As it turned out, both of my hits were ruled as errors, as he mentioned the name of another player who got our only hit. Let’s just say that the team book was often scored by someone who wasn’t too enamored with having a kid with the last name Goldberg on the team. Presumably (and while I minimized all of this crap back in the day), I had several hits changed to errors that season. It happened often enough to keep me from getting one of the trophies for the five highest batting averages in the league.

Yes, God is still my witness, even if HE would marvel at some of the Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn, or watching tennis/baseball from my couch.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Who am I? Well, please check out my site. I am an author/speaker/custom writer/coach who loves to inspire people to laugh, smile, learn and achieve more. All those things, and more.

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Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #17

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not always deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

Mower and Statesman

 

Welcome to Volume 17 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

SHOW ME THE…WHAT?!

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PUBLIC-SEE – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call the opposite of privacy?

Wordapodia, Vol. 1

 

If you like “Public-see” (a brand new Wordapod), you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Public-see

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Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #16

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

Volume 16

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not always deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

Mower and Statesman

Welcome to Volume 16 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

SENSITIVE?! WHO…ME?!

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LACTATORSHIP – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call a (mythical) repressive form of government that forces every citizen to drink milk?

Wordapodia, Vol. 1

 

If you like “Lactatorship”, you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 other creative, fun Wordapods.

Lactatorship

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Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #15

 

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not always deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

Mower and Statesman

 

Welcome to Volume 15 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

WANTING TO KEEP IT LIGHT, BUT…

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BOROFORM – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call any speech or event that practically bores you to death?

Wordapodia, Vol. 1

If you like Boroform, you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 other creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Boroform

Boroform (n)any speech or event that bores and/or annoys someone to the point of paralysis

 

Sample Sentence:  I tried to watch the political debate, but the deadly dull exchanges served as a kind of boroform.

 

Mastering the Wordapod

Which of the following—given the above definition—would you consider to be the most powerful type of boroform for you?

 

  • Political Debate
  • College Lecture
  • Romantic Comedy
  • Auto Racing
  • Bowling
  • Yard Work
  • Shopping
  • Talking With Your Spouse
  • Reality TV show
  • Your job

 

*************

To get your own signed copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, please follow the links or simply email me:  Matt@tipofthegoldberg.com

To order my new (co-authored) book, please click here or send me an email for a personalized copy.

I know you're not usually a follower, but I hope you'll soon follow me on Twitter.

My Facebook Fan page is right here.

CRAP I THINK OF WHILE MOWING THE LAWN – #14

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

 

Welcome to Volume 14 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

Mower and Statesman

FEELING MY AGE…THE DREADED SPEED LIMIT

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TIRISH – The Wednesday Wordapod

So, what would YOU call a newish language spoken by very tired people?

 

Wordapodia, Vol. 1

 

If you like “Tirish”, you really need to pick up a copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, where you will find more than 250 other creative, fun Wordapods.

 

Tirish

Tirish (n) – the English language as spoken by very tired people. Some of the Asian and Arabic countries appear to also have derivatives of this language, and Tirish is beginning to be taught overseas at many secondary schools as an elective.

 

Sample Sentence:  While I strained to hear everything my beloved wife uttered, the Tirish she spoke was unintelligible.

 

So, How About…

Enter Frieda Wilmont, head of Slippery Slope College’s Unusual Languages Department. “Tirish is one of the leading languages of the future. I would estimate that 98% of all Americans speak it at one time or another, and almost everything under the sun is spoken about in Tirish. Our students learn important phrases such as Wama vulla loo—which depending on the inflection, could mean anything from:

 

  • Can you hand me the remote?
  • Please set my alarm clock for 7:30.
  • Wow! The Eagles won again?!
  • Any food in the fridge?
  • Time to mow the friggin’ lawn.”

*************

To get your own signed copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, please follow the links or simply email me:  Matt@tipofthegoldberg.com

To order my new (co-authored) book, please click here or send me an email for a personalized copy.

I know you're not usually a follower, but I hope you'll soon follow me on Twitter.

My Facebook Fan page is right here.

CRAP I THINK OF WHILE MOWING THE LAWN – #13

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

Volume 13

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

 

Mower and Statesman

Welcome to Volume 13 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

TOO MUCH CRAP TO RANT ON…WAY TOO LITTLE TIME

I’m a day late and still have way too little time today to comment on a few things I’ve been thinking about. Yes, once again the sports world—but not the games, themselves—has made its way into the general world, let alone the world of sports talk radio and TV.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, as many of you know, decided to suspend Baltimore Ravens’ running back Ray Rice two games for a hideous domestic violence incident caught on surveillance video at an Atlantic City casino, when Rice struck his then-fiancée (now wife, Janay Palmer) unconscious. Given the longer suspensions Goodell levied for much lesser offenses involving PED and marijuana usage, the blowback, almost by consensus, is that the NFL considers domestic abuse (read: NFL players striking women) to be not nearly as serious a crime as a player getting high, or taking an illegal substance to gain an unfair competitive advantage.

This reasoning seems to be way too simplistic, and there must be some nuances to bail the NFL and its self-styled law-and-order commish some slack, right? Well…no!  It’s not only “the optics” of this (how it looks to those from the outside, like you and me) that is wrong; Goodell blew it. If you’re going to issue suspensions based on off-the-field, offseason injuries, and if you decide to suspend Ray Rice (who, in fairness to him, seemed to be a good citizen prior to this), you have to suspend Rice for a whole lot longer than two games. 6 games? 8 games? I don’t know, but something of that magnitude…even a full year…would have been much more palatable, and more just, to many of us.

Of course, the wrist-slap to Ray Rice was discussed all over the various air and print waves, including ESPN’s First Take, where, like them or not, co-hosts Steven A. Smith and Skip Bayless take on all issues, great, small and manufactured.

Steven A, who is normally quite outspoken (well, it is his job to be), loud, almost insufferable, yet somewhat articulate, decided to approach the Ray Rice incident with the following words. No, I won’t grab the low-hanging fruit and jump on his grammar and syntax; there’s enough here to criticize what he actually said.  Here is the transcript, courtesy of NJ.com:

“We know you have no business putting your hands on a woman. I don’t know how many times I got to reiterate that. But as a man who was raised by women, see I know what I’m going to do if somebody touches a female member of my family. I know what I’m going to do, I know what my boys are going to do. I know what, I’m going to have to remind myself that I work for the Worldwide Leader, I’m going to have to get law enforcement officials involved because of what I’m going to be tempted to do.

"But what I’ve tried to employ the female members of my family, some of who you all met and talked to and what have you, is that again, and this what, I’ve done this all my life, let’s make sure we don’t do anything to provoke wrong actions, because if I come, or somebody else come, whether it’s law enforcement officials, your brother or the fellas that you know, if we come after somebody has put their hands on you, it doesn’t negate the fact that they already put their hands on you. So let’s try to make sure that we can do our part in making sure that that doesn’t happen.

“Now you got some dudes that are just horrible and they’re going to do it anyway, and there’s never an excuse to put your hands on a woman. But domestic violence or whatever the case may be, with men putting their hands on women, is obviously a very real, real issue in our society. And I think that just talking about what guys shouldn’t do, we got to also make sure that you can do your part to do whatever you can do to make, to try to make sure it doesn’t happen.

"We know they’re wrong. We know they’re criminals. We know they probably deserve to be in jail. In Ray Rice’s case, he probably deserves more than a 2-game suspension which we both acknowledged. But at the same time, we also have to make sure that we learn as much as we can about elements of provocation. Not that there’s real provocation, but the elements of provocation, you got to make sure that you address them, because we’ve got to do is do what we can to try to prevent the situation from happening in any way. And I don’t think that’s broached enough, is all I’m saying. No point of blame.”

 

Steven A’s diatribe produced a firestorm of pushback (including colleague Michelle Beadle–good for her), for which Smith apologized. He and/or his employer crafted most of the right words to go just a step forward beyond the usual vague apologies to anyone they might have offended.

The issue I have is not with the sincerity of his apology; perhaps, he was sincere. He may also be sincere, or think he is, when he says, “We know you have no business putting your hands on a woman. I don’t know how many times I got to reiterate that.”

Here is the problem, Steven A.  First of all, lose the tough guy act of what you would do if anyone touched (inappropriately) a female member of your family. Secondly, I don’t think you get it.

How do you use this situation to tell millions of women that “we got to also make sure that you can do your part to do whatever you can do to make, to try to make sure it doesn’t happen.” What? Who are you, whether raised by women, men or both, to deliver that message? And, who are you to lecture us about the “elements of provocation?”

The timing, and the venue, was wrong to deliver that message. If a women’s group wants to employ you to address them privately, and you wish to express that concern, then more power to you (and perhaps, God help them). Moreover, not only was the timing and the venue of the message wrong, but not so incidentally, to many of us, the message of the message was wrong.

Many of us got the impression that you were doing all you could to defend Ray Rice—whether that is your true belief, you were trying to curry favor with yet another player, or you also don’t take domestic abuse quite as seriously as you postured—at the expense of an issue of crucial importance to women and all those who want some of this pervasive violence to stop.

Roger and Steven A, You needed to step up, and you both stepped down. Perhaps, you should both step down from your highly paid, high-profile positions as well.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&

To get  your own signed copy of Wordapodia, Volume One: An Encyclopedia of Real Fake Words, please follow the links or simply email me:  Matt@tipofthegoldberg.com

To order my new-ish (co-authored) book, A Snowball’s Chance, please click here or send me an email for a personalized copy.

I know you're not usually a follower, but I hope you'll soon follow me on Twitter.

My Facebook Fan page is right here

 

CRAP I THINK OF WHILE MOWING THE LAWN – #12

Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

Volume 12

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)

 

Interesting, if not deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.

Mower and Statesman

 

Welcome to Volume 12 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

 

WAINWRIGHT/JETER/ANDREWS…SOCIAL MEDIA FLAP

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