Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)


Interesting, if not deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.


Welcome to Volume 14 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.

Mower and Statesman


I haven’t self-identified with my age in many years.  Insert a cliché or two here: Age is only a number. Age is just how you feel. At the same time, life (as we know it) has an expiration date (not that we know when that is). With no firm belief in an afterlife…is this all there is?…I’ve always been a little vain about my age.  Not my appearance, my age. Not that it can’t be looked up, or easily determined, and as old friends from high school keep finding me and vice versa, who exactly am I kidding?

In this conflicted spirit, I greeted 55 yesterday, and I’m almost ready to embrace it. Almost, I said. I don’t need no freakin’ AARP memberships, and I don’t want to qualify for those cheaper, smaller senior menus anytime soon. Define anytime soon as the next 27 years or so…although, on the other hand, I can certainly use the discounts.

Truth is, I’d still like to think that I look and think much younger than 55. Sometimes, I even feel much better than “double nickels”—which is an apt description for my bank account. Besides, I have a son who just turned 6, 10 days ago, and I still enjoy picking him up and flipping him as if he weighs next-to-nothing. I’m pretty sure he enjoys it, too.

So, what will the next X years bring? I hope to be authoring, literally and figuratively, many more chapters, and even some books. I also hope that “X” is a large number—a very large number.

Being 55…this is a tough confession for those of my mindset: can I get an amen here?…is a bit sobering, though. It has occurred to me that, pretty soon, there won’t be many roads upon which I can legally drive faster than my age. Heck, I’ll never be a good enough golfer to shoot under my age. Can I just enjoy many more years of driving above my age? Safely? Will I have to drive on the autobahn to realize this wish?

The truth in all this is that I want the coming years to be the very best of my life, despite whatever challenges they may bring. I want my words and my thoughts to be eternally valuable, resonant and even memorable. I need to make a positive difference in others’ lives, while also satisfying my own ego for recognition. I need to be a great Dad (that’s a tough word to write with a small “d”) in ways great, tiny and unnoticed. And whether this is vanity or not, I need to look and feel younger than my chronology, because, well, I guess it’s vanity. Having admitted this, I won’t cheat in any way to carry this off.

Let the next X years bring forth the very best of me, some of which has been hiding or beem masked by my various blocks and insecurities. So, here I am: 55 freakin’ years old. I know that I may have already received some, “Gee, you don’t look that old.” And, I can envision hearing many more “Man, you look/think/ good/great for your age.” Part of me is encouraged by these compliments, and part of me gets angry at the public acknowledgment of my real age. It’s not easy to live with such internal conflicts.

If you’ve read to the end of this rambling introspection, and want to remark that I do, indeed, do things well for my age, I will suppress the internal, silent “F*ck you” in favor of a sincere, voiced “Thank you.”  Add “very much” for effect, if you’d like.

In fact, the following will be my motto for the coming year(s): Let’s turn all those “F*ck you”(s) into “Thank you(s).”

Think about it…and please give me the royalties if this becomes a new, lucrative catch-phrase. Yes, this is just a variation on that horribly hackneyed “attitude of gratitude”, combined with a little longitudinal latitude.

Call it my new Mattitude.

Just don’t even think about describing me as spry, agile for my age, or surprisingly lucid.

If you ever do, well, F…Thank you. Very much.


Who am I? Well, please check out my site. I am an author/speaker/custom writer/coach who loves to inspire people to laugh, smile, learn and achieve more. All those things, and more.

Let’s connect:

I know you're not usually a follower, but I hope you'll soon follow me on Twitter.

My Facebook Fan page is right here



Comments are closed.