Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn – #19

(other than This Lawn Looks Like Crap)


Interesting, if not always deep, thoughts often pop into my head while I’m doing battle with my lawn. And yes, I do battle with a non-gas, non-electric, old-fashioned push mower. An actual reel mower. And my mind tends to think of some semi-interesting crap while I push along.


Mower and Statesman

Welcome to Volume 19 of Crap I Think of While Mowing the Lawn.



To this point, I’ve written five books, starting in 2004, the latest one a collaboration. For every book that has gotten to the finish line, there have been at least two or three that have gotten scrapped at some stage of development. Perhaps, some of the better book ideas have remained on the cutting room floor.

With all that in mind, another book idea recently came to mind.



Sometimes, inspiration comes from the least inspiring sources. In this case, my muse was a nurse with the personality of a cereal box top.

I was in a quite busy ophthalmologist’s office four weeks ago, awaiting cataract surgery on my left eye. It’s amazing just how busy this office and surgical center always seems to be, and it was a fairly long wait just to be sent back to my little prep room.

For whatever reason, including a successful cataract surgery on my right eye in 2012, I was feeling good about the procedure. It’s really not that big of a deal, or ordeal, but the atmosphere of the office (including, of course, the people who work there) sometimes can change even the best of moods.

After a long wait, it’s nice to be greeted by something other than indifference. Maybe, even being greeted by difference wouldn’t be a bad thing. After arriving in the green room, Nurse Cardboard—without making any eye contact (maybe, that’s an eye doctor nurse thing?)—went right into her list of questions. Her first words, delivered with all the personality of…I don’t know…Sergeant Joe Friday, on Dragnet were:

Do you have any medical history?

“No,” I replied. “Ironically, I was just born today.”

Let’s stop my recollections here. I may not have said exactly that, but those were my very thoughts, and I kind of laughed at the silliness of the question. The silliness of the question was exacerbated by the long wait, and the lack of people skills that one might expect in that situation. Then again, Nurse Cardboard seemed like Sofia Vergara when compared to the officious orderly who wheeled me down to what served as the OR there.

This got me thinking about some of the stupid questions that we are greeted with in all kinds of day-to-day situations: doctor’s and lawyer’s offices, schools, phone transactions, the workplace…there’s no limit to what may be fair game here.

What if I coordinated and compiled a list of some of the dumb, silly, uninspired questions that we have been asked, along with our witty rejoinders, or what we would have liked to have said at the time.

Is there enough here for a compelling, fun (and funny) book? I don’t know, but if you would like to provide any feedback, including your own anecdotes, you may reply here, or to

I won’t promise you that this book will escape the cutting room floor, but it may be fun to share your little stories with an appreciative audience. To prompt you again, “Have you ever been asked a stupid, annoying question?”

You may even think that this last one qualifies.


Who am I? Well, please check out my site. I am an author/speaker/custom writer/coach who loves to inspire people to laugh, smile, learn and achieve more. All those things, and more.

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